A client said "Circumstance is everything" in a session we were having the other day. I immediately wrote it down since it resonated with me. It really is true. Much in the same way that sometimes we put ourselves in harm's way without knowing it...we also put ourselves in the path of success. Seemingly small and random decisions can compound to create a big impact without that having been our intention.
Although I'm a firm believer that we need to seek success and work hard to find it, it can occasionally come down to just dumb luck that we send the right email or someone notices a shirt we are wearing and strikes up a conversation, which leads to a meeting and a potential business deal. This is all so maddeningly random. It's kind of like when we actively seek out a partner in life and put our profiles on dating sites and send out messages to people, meet for drinks and so on. We're doing all the right things to create opportunities.
You know what happens though. It's the birthday party we almost said no to going to that leads to meeting a person that will profoundly change our lives. Circumstance truly is everything.
I was reading a question from someone regarding what one should or shouldn't sacrifice in a relationship. For me the succinct answer is simply that you shouldn’t sacrifice ‘Yourself’. Be you…stay you. People who want you to change or be different in any way don’t really appreciate you as you are. If someone doesn't appreciate you, then why would you want to be with them?
In my life I have seen a lot of people mold and shape themselves to be the ideal partners for their respective significant other. Why? It’s like you’re saying that you’re not good enough. Relationships are partnerships and in a partnership there is compromise but, not fundamental change of who we are and how we identify as human beings.
The whole notion of being compatible with someone stems from the other person being a lot like you and that you are a good match. It’s not about becoming a good match with the other person. The further you move away from your true self the harder you'll struggle feeling good about that.
Be cognizant if you are doing more than just compromising. If instead you are really giving up a part of your core identity. You may keep your partner that way…however, it’s not worth losing your self over. No reasonable partner can or should ever expect that kind of self sacrifice from you either.